This morning started out much like my weekend, standing in front of the mirror in our bathroom, brushing my teeth and holding back tears. Maxwell was happily sitting on the bed talking about how excited he was to ride in Tom's car today. Tom, dressing Max and wisely keeping a safe distance from me because he isn't sure if I’ll scream or cry if he attempts to have a conversation with me.
Honestly, I’m not sure how any of us survived the weekend without a major blow-up. It must be Tom's patience. Because I’m pretty sure that I'm losing my mind lately. Tom picked up dinner Friday night and I asked him to grab me a salad with chicken. Well he forgot the chicken. This diet has left me feeling a little on the empty side, and sick of veggies. I cried when he handed me a bowl full of lettuce. :) I was exhausted after working all day, the last thing I wanted to do was make chicken. In retrospect, Maxwell and I are acting a lot alike these days, with huge crying fits and major mood swings. Despite that, both of us survived the weekend without getting spanked although we both deserved it at some point.
On to today. I survived day one of nuclear medicine. I reported to the hospital at 8am this morning, was registered, and escorted to the third floor of Mercy, The Nuclear Medicine dept. I took my seat in a room with about 9 other cancer patients, most of them in hospital gowns with IV's in their arms. I sat quietly in a chair next to an older woman, who was like me, silently crying. Both of us sitting there next to one another, pretending not to cry, wiping the tears away before they fell down our cheeks. No one said a word, we all just sat there pretending not to cry. Some did crossword puzzles, others knitted, I cried.
Amy, the sweet woman I spoke with to schedule my appointments, appeared in the doorway and called my name. I wanted to run into her arms and cry on her shoulder. I followed Amy into a large room with 7 or 8 huge machines with people getting radiation treatment, or scans, I’m not really sure which. This room must be what hell looks like. I sat down in a chair in front of Amy and started to cry. Not the nice silent cry I had just done in the waiting room, oh no, this was the kind cry where you moan and snot and spit constrict your airways for a moment, and you do the quick double breath thing. The kinda cry where you try to talk but whatever you say sounds like a cow being murdered. Yeah, that kinda cry. Anyway, I stopped crying long enough to swallow 7 little pills and was moved into an office with a lady by the name of Pat who looked a lot like my Grandmother. Pat hugged me the moment I walked into her office and asked me why I was so upset. She cracked a few jokes and make me laugh. Just what I needed. Pat explained what was going to happen on my next few visits and asked to see pictures of the kids. She was awesome, and I am so thankful for her personality. She asked me all the standard questions leading up to the test and treatments, including if I could be pregnant. Um. Gee, Pat, I sure hope not. She asked me if i remembered the last time I had sex... I responded "Sure I do, do you remember the last time you had sex?" Clearly, she was trying to determine if there were any chance I could be pregnant, but having a conversation about my sex life or lack thereof, with a woman who looked like my Grandmother was absolutely hilarious to me. She said " NO SEX until I say so, you got it"? I told her to get outta my bedroom, Pat! "I'll sex when I want!" She was a great sport and I'm actually looking forward to seeing her tomorrow so I can ask her if she's had sex lately. All I could think of when she was talking to me about sex was the SNL "Just had sex" skit. Wonder if Pat's seen it? :)
